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"It'd be amazing to search out more LGBT stories from our homeland," says Lammy Award finalist Farhad J. Dadyburjor

on Jun 06, 2022

"Queer literature in India is still in its infancy, with only a few works published each year. It also depends on what publishers are willing to take a risk on."

The Other Man (2021) by Farhad J. Dadyburjor is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Awards in the 'Gay Romance' category.

In the book, Ved Mehra, the vice president of Mehra Electronics and a "Punjabi George Clooney," is having difficulty coming out. His four-year lover abandons him to marry another lady, possibly owing to familial demands. He offers to be Ved's'mistress,' implying that, like many gay people, they can "continue like this," but Ved declines.

Ved is now considering marrying the wonderful daughter of a business family, Disha Kapoor, for the 'happiness' of his family, and under pressure from his mother Dolly. However, he questions whether he wants a "lifetime of sorrow" for himself.

He almost marries Disha. Then, on a business trip to India, he meets an American on Grindr – a dating (or hooking up) app – and everything changes in this novel set around the time Section 377, which criminalised homosexuality, was due to be repealed.

Farhad was interviewed by Moneycontrol through email prior to the Lambda Literary Award announcement (due on June 11, 2022). Excerpts have been edited:

What does it feel like to be a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award?

The Lammy’s are the world's largest celebration of LGBTQ literature. And it's a true honour to be a finalist in the 'Gay Romance' category, especially given that this year saw the highest number of submissions – over 2,300. Having said that, I wish we could see something like this at our own major literary festivals and prizes, with a category for LGBTQ fiction. It would be a huge motivation for writers and publishers to aggressively seek out more LGBT stories from our own country.

The novel is, for the most part, predictable, but tremendously enjoyable. And its characters are straight out of a Bollywood film — filthy affluent Indians who can't listen to their feelings because there's so much at stake. Tell us how you came up with this narrative. What inspired you to write Ved's predicament?

One of the humorous book titles was 'Crazy Rich Gay Asians,' a play on Kevin Kwan's smash bestseller 'Crazy Rich Asians.' And I've heard a lot of people compare it to Bollywood, which is encouraging and amusing given that I don't watch a lot of Bollywood movies. But once you've finished writing a book, it becomes that of the readers, how they see it and view it, and you don't want to upset that.

The Other Man was inspired by this great touching story about two guys of entirely different ages, nationalities, and backgrounds who are connected by one thing: love. And how each encourages the other to better understand themselves and live their most authentic lives. I felt it was critical to provide a worldwide audience with a firsthand account of what it was like to be gay in India. Many of them are unaware that same-sex relationships were illegal in India until only four years ago, when the archaic Section 377 law was repealed on September 6, 2018, and this book serves as a celebration of the right to love whomever you want. In reality, it was the first homosexual romcom set in Mumbai, as it turned out to be published internationally.

Ved, as a character, appears to have it all on the outside — rich, successful, and attractive...like the ideal GQ man. And we often see folks like these on magazine covers and assume they have such a wonderful existence, not realising what's really going on inside their heads. Ved, despite his status and wealth, is unhappy on the inside due to his sexual orientation. It's a problem that many other males in India face. And I wanted to create a contrast between the person's gleaming exterior and their deep turmoil.

Ved's initial talks with Carlos when he is seeing Disha and unsure whether to 'come out' appear to be a literary construct that you utilised to indicate that Ved is torn. Was that correct?

Despite being a romcom, there were two major themes that I wanted to address in this book. One was the difficulty and significance of coming out. Another difficulty is that arranged weddings are still widespread, and many homosexual men agree to an arranged marriage in order to be dutiful sons and keep the peace by not disturbing their parents. They are constantly secretive. Through Ved, I wanted to show how Indian men feel so obligated to please their parents that they place enormous pressure on themselves to be the "ideal son," even if it comes at a significant personal cost.

What do you think can be done to prevent this situation?

I've known and heard of homosexual individuals marrying to please their families, only to wind up living a miserable existence. It's a terrible fact of life. In other situations, the son has even come out to his father prior to marriage, only to be told, "don't worry, now you'll be normal." The terrible part is that no one is happy in such a circumstance - not the wife, nor the husband, and not the parents because they see their children unhappy. Everyone loses in this circumstance.

I truly hope that parents see that their children may not be heterosexual like them, learn to respect it, and have a conversation with them about it. They must become more conscious and knowledgeable. And it's wonderful to see films like Badhaai Do and the web series The Fame Game addressing this aspect, because films, like literature, have the potential to influence people's thoughts.

If marriages are so important, do you believe that legalising same-sex marriages would have a significant impact?

Definitely! Why not legalise marriage if same-sex relationships are legalised? As the following stage, it only makes sense. Why should someone be denied the right to legally marry the person they adore? Having said that, numerous gay couples who aren't waiting for this piece of paper are moving ahead and enjoying a relationship with their loved ones anyway.

But the representation of monogamous relationships in queer-themed books and movies takes up more space, neglecting other forms of companionships. Your thoughts?

There have been books on polyamory, but yes, far and few between. And not any from Indian authors, at least to my knowledge. The fact is, queer literature in India is still at a nascent stage, with just a small handful of books coming out each year. It also depends on what publishers are open to taking a chance on. So a lot of different factors go into this.

Though 'coming out' appears to be a one-time event in this story, it is actually an ongoing conflict that extends beyond the confines of a close-knit family, because society is intrinsically cis-het. Why do you believe that only gay people must come out? What should society change to make it more queer-inclusive?

Yes, coming out is a never-ending process. I came out when I was 28, but I feel like I'm coming out again with this book. You come out to new people every time you meet them. You do that every time you start a new job...and so on. I believe this is because we live in a heteronormative culture, and in order to change things, we must first reform the very foundations of our educational system and society as a whole. For example, medical textbooks continue to educate exclusively about two sexes: male and female. As a result, there needs to be a lot more education, debates, discussions, books, movies, and other tools for spreading information that is distilled from every area of our culture.

While there has been some progressive movement in several industries, such as the business world, journalism, fashion, and Bollywood, since Section 377 was repealed, and with the spotlight on inclusivity so intense, much more needs to be done. Some of it has been a sham, some of it genuine – but the ripples of change have begun.

On a lighter note, it would be wonderful if someone had to someday say, "I've kept this concealed for so long, but now I want to come out about my heterosexuality." "I hope you get it." That'd be genuinely inclusive!

What are you working on next?

For the time being, I'm focusing on my day job as an editor of a luxury magazine while enjoying all of the attention paid to The Other Man by bloggers and journalists. I believe there is more to be written about Carlos and Ved's love story, a sequel about what the future holds, but we'll see.